


Three Christmas Ghosts

by suallenparker



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Ghosts, Humor, I will try to make you cry sometime during this story, Love, Love Confession, Su's Philinda Advent Calendar, and inspired by A Christmas Carol, based on canon events, but fair warning, but not further because the winter finale hasn't aired yet and i need to get the story on the road, christmasy goodness, happy end guaranteed, spoilers for everything up to 4x07, to be updated once a day until it's complete
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-03 15:45:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 16,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8719552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suallenparker/pseuds/suallenparker
Summary: With Phil and Fitz safely back at the base, Melinda thinks things are finally back to normal, but then she has to deal with three very specific Christmas ghosts.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Let me present: Su’s Philinda Advent calendar 2016! I shall post a short chapter of this story each day until Christmas Eve and by then we all shall have a merry Philinda happy end! The time until then shall be filled with angst and fluff and of course, ghosts! I hope you’ll enjoy the ride with me!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me present: Su’s Philinda Advent calendar 2016! I shall post a short chapter of this story each day until Christmas Eve and by then we all shall have a merry Philinda happy end! The time until then shall be filled with angst and fluff and of course, ghosts! I hope you’ll enjoy the ride with me!

She went to Phil’s funeral four years ago. And she buried him. And it had been the worst day in her life. Worse than signing her divorce papers. Worse than Bahrain.

Then he returned to her, not like the other ghosts that haunted her, but he literally came back to life.

Of course ever since then he nearly kept dying on her, but fortunately he proved to be just as indestructible as he was stubborn.

Just a month ago he returned from yet another deadly dimension he had thrown himself into for the sake of humankind.

Today they had escaped an explosion together and the afternoon had been filled with a car chase. Business as usual, really. Risking their lives was just part of the job.

At least right now they were only in danger of some mild embarrassment. Or the ruin of their friendship.

They both looked up to the mistletoe dangling over their head. 

They had returned late to the base today. A stand off with a newly turned inhuman, who had threatened to freeze herself to death with her newfound powers. Phil had talked her down eventually.

Now it was a quarter to midnight and the floors of the base were empty and quiet. They had stepped out of the elevator when they had found themselves right here. Under a mistletoe.

Tomorrow would be Christmas Eve. Time just passed by so quickly! They still didn’t open that bottle of Haig. Maybe on Christmas they would find a moment of peace to do so.

She really, really wanted to kiss him. His lips looked dry, dark rings circled his eyes and they both could use a shower. Still, she wanted to kiss him. She loved him just a little to much than appropriate for a friend and colleague.

And now this.

A damn mistletoe.

“Mace takes those things very seriously. I would know,” Phil said.

She raised a brow.

He mirrored her. “He kissed me right on the mouth this morning.”

Yeah, right. She snorted.

“I would never lie to you about mistletoe kisses!” He held up his hands and grinned.

This was dangerous and he was adorable. And sexy. Which made this right here even more dangerous. She didn’t trust herself to just kiss him and then let him go again.

His gaze jumped from her eyes to her lips and she felt her mouth dry. Being kissed by him wasn’t a viable option either, not tonight. Not when she was tired and with lowered defenses.

She squinted at him. “Hold still.”

He obeyed, smiling. She placed a hand on his shoulder and tiptoed. She felt his smile more than she saw it when she pressed a kiss against his cheek.

Because this was them. These were their boundaries.

She pulled back and he was still smiling. Her heart was racing and she wanted to do it again. Instead she hid her hands behind her back.

“Fitz and Simmons packed up almost the whole lab for their Christmas Trip,” he said and took a step back. “Should I be worried?”

“With those two?” she asked. “Always.” Bless him for his convenient subject changes!

Together they walked down the hall towards Melinda’s room.

“I think I heard them talk about creating gifts with their special lab tools.” Phil frowned. “What could that possibly be? Mini robots?” He sighed. “I hope they won’t try to reinvent cookies again.”

Melinda pulled a face. Fitzsimmons last cookie experiment had tasted of disappointment.

They made it to her door and stopped again.

He turned to her. “Are you certain you don’t want to visit your parents over Christmas?”

“Yes.”

“You don’t have to stay, you know. SHIELD will hold up without you for a few hours.” He paused dramatically. “I guess.”

She rolled her eyes. “You could take a little holiday too now that you’re no longer the director.”

“No thanks. Your mother always scared me.”

She wanted to kiss away that pleased grin on his face. Bad idea.

“So I see you tomorrow?” she asked.

He nodded. “See you tomorrow.”

He walked past her while she opened the door. She switched on the lights and closed the door behind her.

All she wanted now was a quick shower and then a few hours of sleep!

She dropped her key card onto the shelf next to the door and kicked off her shoes. Slipping out of her jacket, she turned around to her bed.

And there they were. Three dead people wearing santa suits, belt and boots and all. Just the fake white beards were missing.

Andrew was the first to speak, “We need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I leave you with this for tonight! Please, if you have the time, I’d love to hear your thoughts!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Melinda runs from ghosts.

Melinda blinked.

Three dead people stood in front of her bed. And they looked completely normal – aside from those ridiculous suits. Andrew frowned at her, his hands dangling at his sides, leaving his front exposed. She knew that was one of his therapist tricks. _Don’t act aggressive, keep your body language open. Ask questions and speak softly. That makes you more trustworthy._ He had taught her that. She hated when he tried to shrink her. And God, she had missed him so damn much!

Trip stood to his left and he smiled. At Andrew’s right stood Rosalind Price. Phil’s Rosalind Price. She had her arms crossed but her face was blank.

They didn’t appear transparent or pale or in any other way ghostly. There was no green slime, no lighting nor thunder.

Her heart started racing. She pulled in a deep breath. She needed to stay calm!

But was quiet, not even the damn light flickered.

And that terrified her. It just seemed so very real. Horrifyingly real.

“No,” she mumbled and shook her head.

She would not lose her mind again! She just wouldn’t! She closed her eyes and pinched herself hard. When she opened her eyes again, they still stood in front of her.

Andrew sighed. “This isn’t a dream,” he said. “Why didn’t you kiss him?”

Kiss whom? Kiss Phil? This was insane!

“What are you waiting for?” Andrew tilted his head. “I thought you came to the same conclusion.”

Was he talking about the Haig?

Melinda pressed her lips together.

Of course he was talking about the Haig. Because he was just a hallucination. They all were. Because she was overworked and exhausted and her mind just snapped. That was the best case scenario. At worst they were evil spirits or something.

In any case, this was not good.

“May?” Trip took a step forward and reached out his hand. “Maybe you should sit down …”

She took a step back. “No!” She focused on her breathing again. In and out. In and out. She could do this. She could handle this.

“Are you sure?” Trip asked. “You look a bit pale.”

Because ghosts or spirits or hallucinations were talking to her! If she was lucky, maybe this was just a brain tumor.

She turned around.

“You don’t have to be scared,” Trip said.

Three dead people dressed as Santa Claus stood in her room, but there was no reason to be alarmed. Yeah, right! She bend down and grabbed her go-bag that lay next to the door.

“What’s she doing?” Price asked.

Melinda opened the door.

“Running away from confrontation,” Andrew said.

The only thing that kept her from slamming the door was the knowledge that she might wake the other agents that inhabited the rooms next to hers. So she closed the door quietly.

She walked down the hall and suddenly they stood in front of her.

Trip held up his hands. “May, relax. We’re here to help.”

They were dead!

“If you just listen to us and do what we ask of you, this could be so much easier,” Andrew said.

Which didn’t sound threatening at all.

She snorted and kept walking.

The distance between her and the ghosts didn’t change. They just kept moving backwards. - Not walking. Just moving.

Finally something ghostlike about them!

For some reason, that made her feel better. Maybe she was just going insane after all.

“It’s like in A Christmas Carol, you know?” Trip said. “You will be haunted by three spirits and all that?” He spread out his arms and gave her a big show tune smile. “Well, tada!”

She bit her lip. It had been years since she had read the book. Or seen a version of it on TV.

“This isn’t really like A Christmas Carol since we all appeared at the same time,” Trip added, “but we _are_ here to _help_.”

She turned a corner. Just a few more steps and she’d be there. The ghosts kept floating in front of her.

“You should’ve just kissed him,” Andrew said.

Yeah, this was definitely her subconscious talking.

Melinda stopped and knocked on a door.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so very much for all of your fantastic responses! I hope you enjoyed this scene too! I'd love to hear your thoughts. :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Melinda wakes up a collegue

The door opened and Jemma Simmons stood in front of her. Her hair was ruffled and she wore striped flannel pajamas, her feet were bare. She ran a hand over her eyes. “May?”

“I’m seeing ghosts,” she said. There it was. Right to the point before she would freak out even more and run.

Simmons blinked at her. “Excuse me?”

“I’m seeing Andrew and Trip and Price.” All three stood behind Simmons at the moment. In those ridiculous suits.

Simmons turned her head. “Fitz!” she yelled.

Price glared at Melinda and Andrew threw up his hands in frustration. But Trip smiled.

“I’m so happy for the two of them!” he said.

“Right here,” Fitz piped up and appeared behind Simmons. He walked right through Andrew. Like Simmons, his feet were bare, his hair ruffled and he too wore a striped pajama.

“She’s seeing ghosts,” Simmons said.

Fitz nodded. “I heard.” He looked at Melinda. “Are you seeing them now?”

“They make a great couple,” Andrew said. “And they work together. You could have this too.”

Melinda swallowed hard and focused on the two alive people in front of her. “Behind you. They’re wearing Santa Claus costumes.”

“All three of them?” Simmons raised both eyebrows while Fitz turned around to look behind him for a quick moment.

Melinda sighed. “Yes.”

Simmons nibbled on her lower lip and nodded. “We should go to the lab.”

“Or you could say goodbye,” said Andrew, “go to Phil and tell him how you feel about him.”

Sure. Because listening to voices always lead to such great advice.

“It would make us leave,” Trip said.

Fitz went back into the room. “I’ll grab our suitcase.”

Melinda stepped away from the door.

  
  


o0o

  
  


An hour later Melinda sat on one of the hospital bed. She had been poked and pricked and scanned and whatever else Fitzsimmons could think of.

The whole time Andrew and Trip had berated her for not going to Phil while Price had looked at her as if she just had killed her puppy. And the whole time Melinda had tried her very best to look right through them.

Simmons and Fitz walked though them a couple of times without noticing. The ghosts didn’t seem to mind.

“Your iron level is a bit low,” Simmons said. They both stood in front of her, still wearing their pajamas, but now they wore matching slippers too.

“That’s it?” No tumor? No hidden toxins or hallucinogenic drugs in her blood?

Simmons nodded. “That’s all we could find so far, I’m sorry.”

“I told you that you don’t have a tumor,” said Andrew who had told her just that when Melinda had been scanned.

“And I told you that we’re no hallucination,” Trip said who had told her as much when Simmons had drawn her blood to test for toxins.

So no medical explanation. Melinda clenched her hands around the edge of the bed.

Shit.

“We’re spirits,” Andrew said.

Shit!

She hated the worried looks on Fitz and Simmons faces.

“Are you still seeing them?” Fitz asked.

“Yes.”

“We already told you what to do,” Trip said. “We’re here because you need us.”

“This is bad,” Simmons mumbled.

Melinda couldn’t agree more.

Andrew sighed. “We’re not here to harm you, just to guide you.”

That sounded like crazy cult talk. “They say they want to guide me,” she said.

For a moment Fitz and Simmons just looked at her with those big eyes. They looked so young. And scared.

Simmons took a breath. “You’re worried that your death didn’t cure you after all.”

This felt different from that first time, but yes. …

“I have to inform the director,” Simmons said.

She had suspected as much. “I brought my go bag.”

Fitz hid his hands behind his back and pulled up his shoulders. “Maybe this isn’t so bad.”

Melinda raised a brow. “I’m seeing dead people wearing Santa suits.”

“All right.” Fitz sighed. “I’m calling Radcliffe too. Maybe he and Aida can help if this really has something to do with the book of darkhold.”

Yeah, maybe. Melinda pressed her lips together. The ghosts kept staring at her and her stomach was in knots. She was so tired!

At least they had some sort of plan. At least they took some sort of action.

“You need to take action,” Andrew said. “You should call Phil.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much again for your support! Today was a good writing day! I wrote dialogue for the next few chapters and I even could finish up this chapter sooner than I had hoped! I hope you enjoy this! Please let me know what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Melinda locks herself in.

Fitz went to make his phone call.

She wouldn’t call Phil. There was nothing he could do here but look at her with that worried expression on his face. After Bahrain he had always looked at her like that whenever they had seen each other. She wanted to be strong for him. She wanted to be of help and not be another one of his problems again.

Melinda jumped off the hospital bed. She hated those things!

“Don’t you think he wants to know when something’s going on with you?” Trip asked.

Of course he’d want to know! He might’ve quit the job as director but he still felt responsible for every single agent on this base. The question wasn’t if he’d like to know but what him knowing would actually achieve aside from stealing a few hours of sleep from him.

“I want him to be here,” Price said. “I’d love to tell him goodbye. I want to tell him that I want him happy.”

Andrew looked at her. “That’s not why you’re here!”

“I just miss him for so long now.” Price suddenly seemed small. “I’ve been holding this back for so long.”

This was insane.

Melinda pressed her lips together and picked up to go bag.

Price made no sense! So if she was really just going crazy, why was Price here? What did her subconscious needed her for? Or if she was some sort of evil ghost, then it made even less sense! She didn’t really know Price! They had barely met. Phil had cared about her, but she hadn’t. She hadn’t even trusted her!

Unless this wasn’t about getting to her, but about getting to Phil.

She bit her lip and started walking towards the containment box.

All the ghosts wanted was to get her to go to Phil. Why?

Didn’t really matter.

Because they wouldn’t be getting to him. Not through her.

She stopped in front of the box and typed in the code to open it.

She had hurt him once while being possessed. She could’ve killed him! If Mace hadn’t interfered … She didn’t want to think of it. Phil was strong. Phil had his super gadget hand. Maybe he would’ve been fine.

She wouldn’t risk his life again if she could prevent it.

She walked into the box and closed the door. It locked immediately. It made her feel safe. Made her feel less like a threat.

The ghosts were in here with her, just a few steps away from her.

“What are you doing?” Simmons asked from behind her.

Melinda dropped the bag to the floor and turned to her. “Going into quarantine. Aren’t you about to order the same?”

Simmons swallowed hard and looked down. “Yes.”

“There I go.”

“Phil would’ve liked that word play,” Andrew said.

“Call him,” Price said. “Tell him to come here.”

She pressed her lips together.

“If it were him in here you’d want to know,” Andrew said.

That was an unfair thing to say and she wouldn’t be manipulated by them!

“Should I inform Agent Coulson?” Simmons asked.

Now she too? Brilliant! “Is there something he could help you with?” A rhetorical question of course. They both knew there was nothing here to do for him. Except to give the ghosts what they wanted.

“It’s just.” Simmons took a breath. “You’re seeing ghosts and you’re in quarantine.”

“Not much that can happen to me inside here. And I’ll pose no threat to others.”

“I’m gonna tell him tomorrow then?”

Melinda nodded.

“Do you need anything?” Simmons tilted her head. “Maybe another blanket or some magazines or -”

“I got everything I need,” Melinda interrupted. God, Simmons was such a sweet girl! “Are there any more tests to be done?” she asked.

“We did what we could for tonight, I’m afraid.” Simmons pulled up her shoulders. “Radcliffe and Adia will take a plane from their location and arrive here tomorrow.”

“Then you should go back to bed.”

“May …”

“I’ll be fine.”

  
  


o0o

  
  


“You have your cell with you,” said Trip, “just text him and get it over with.”

Melinda lay on the bed. The three ghosts stood at the end of it. All of them had their arms crossed. Their common posture added to their attire made them look even less ridiculous.

“Why are you so reluctant to do this?” Andrew asked. “You had so many chances to kiss him and you keep passing them on.”

Price snorted. “Many chances? What chances?”

Oh my god, they were driving her nuts! She turned to her side and rolled into a ball.

Immediately the ghosts moved to the side of the bed and back into her sight.

“They almost kissed their first year at OPERATIONS,” Andrew said, “but she chickened out.”

Trip frowned. “Really? Why?”

“Back then her excuse were the guidelines of SHIELD.”

“No fraternization?”

“Every big organization has rules against that for legal reasons, every organization also has ways around it.” Andrew turned to Melinda. “And you know that! You knew it back then too because you specifically looked it up.”

Yeah, she did! But just because she had feelings for someone didn’t guarantee the other felt the same. Phil had always been a sweetheart. Just kind and gentle and caring. Not just towards her, but to everyone surrounding him. He had the biggest heart.

But he never had given her any hope that they could be more than partners.

When she heard footsteps coming closer, she sat up. Unfortunately the ghosts weren’t see through.

“Melinda?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early post again! I hope you enjoyed this! Please let me know what you think! I love reading your thoughts. :D Any guesses who might be visiting Melinda?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Melinda gets a visitor.

The ghosts moved to the side and Melinda could see the visitor.

She swallowed and her heart skipped a beat. “Phil.”

“I was with Mace when Simmons called him and …” He stopped in front of the box. His right hand rose as if to touch the glass, before he hid it behind his back. “How are you?” he asked.

“Tell him you love him and we go away.” Andrew said. “Just tell him.”

Melinda ignored him and stood up. “I’m fine.” She wanted to walk up to the door to be closer to him. But she saw ghosts and she might be dangerous. The more distance between her and Phil the better!

“You’re stubborn!” Andrew shook his head.

But Phil just tilted his head and kept watching her, just waiting.

She hated when he looked at her like this. So much patience and empathy. It made it so much harder to shut him out.

“I’m seeing dead people in Santa suits.” The more often she said it, the sillier it sounded. Silly was better than scary.

“Who exactly is haunting you?”

“You didn’t hear?”

He shook his head. “Nobody tells me the juicy bits anymore.”

Trip grinned at Andrew. “I say he left to come here as soon as Simmons called.”

Melinda ignored that too. She kept her gaze focused on Phil. “It’s Andrew, Trip and Price,” she said.

Phil’s eyes widened. “Rosalind Price?”

“Yep.”

“And Andrew?”

“And Trip. Yes.”

“Okay.” He pulled in a deep breath and nodded. “Are they here now?”

“Yes.”

“Does Simmons have an idea what they are yet?”

“I’m low on iron, apparently.”

“I should get you a steak, see if it fixes you.”

She smiled. “On the bright side, if I am going nuts, I already have a shrink with me.”

Andrew sighed. “Just tell him how you feel. I’m telling you as a psychologist and as someone who loves you. Just tell him.”

Phil nibbled on his lower lip. “Must be hard for you to see Andrew again.” he said.

Oh, he had no idea! “Whatever this is, I doubt it’s Andrew.”

“Do they look zombified or gross?” Phil asked and frowned.

Andrew rolled his eyes.

Trip kept smiling. “So good to see you all,” he said. “Coulson hasn’t changed much. That’s good.”

Price sighed. So far she just had stared at Phil. “Tell him he looks good,” she said.

Yeah, right. “They look normal except for the Santa suits they’re wearing,” Melinda said.

“Do they wear beards too?” Phil asked. Was that hope in his voice?

She smiled. “No.”

“Tell him I miss him,” Price said.

“Tell him you love him!” Andrew said.

“Second that,” Trip added.

Melinda pressed her lips together.

“What’s wrong?” Phil asked

“They’re talking.”

He tilted his head. “What are they saying?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your wonderful support! It’s such a blast to share this story with you! I hope you enjoyed today’s scene. :D Let me know what you think?!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which she answers a question.

“Price wants me to tell you that she misses you,” she said.

Phil pressed his lips together and nodded slowly.

Andrew shook his head. “Why are you pushing him away!?” he asked. “What are you scared of?”

Of that look on Phil’s face. He tried to smile but he looked sad around the eyes. “I’m sorry …” she mumbled.

“For what?”

“For bringing up Price. That must be …”

He snorted and tilted his head. “It’s not your fault she’s haunting you.”

“Still.”

“Ask him why he didn’t kiss you under the mistletoe,” Andrew said. “If you can’t tell him how you feel, at least ask him?”

No. She knew she was going crazy, she didn’t have to act like it as well. Not as long as she could fight it.

“You know we’ll get you out of here, right?” Phil asked. The tone in his voice left no room for doubt. But they both knew better. They both had lost to many people. And they both had already died once too often.

He sighed. “Do you want me to tell your parents?”

She snorted.

He ran his hand over his face. “Guessed so.”

“Just ask, Melinda,” Andrew begged. “Just trust me in this.”

She pressed her lips together.

“Then just tell him what we want you to do,” Andrew said softly. “Please just tell him what we are saying?”

Nope. But there was something else she had neglected to ask until now, “Why were you with Mace?”

Phil shrugged and looked away. “Just to give him a fresh update on today’s mission …”

“So he’d know what kind of asset Daisy is in the field?” Because of course he went there to argue on her behalf.

“She did very good today and I think he should know that.”

He was right. She saved their lives today. And she deserved another chance and it seemed that she might finally be ready to grant herself one. Ever since he had returned from that other dimension, they were both trying to get Daisy reinstated as an agent.

They smiled at each other until he yawned and covered his mouth with his hand.

Poor guy. “You should go to bed,” she said.

“Tell him that you love him now,” Trip said. “Then he could go to bed happy and we could leave.”

Phil widened his eyes and straightened up. “I’m not tired!”

Lair, liar, pants on fire .… She raised a brow. “I can’t catch your fall if you drop from exhaustion.”

“Funny.”

“You don’t have to stay,” she said. She appreciated the gesture but she’d rather be alone with her ghosts. Or demons. Or whatever the hell they were.

“I’m really not that tired.” Phil grinned. “And even if, that chair there looks mighty compfy.”

“But I’m tired. And you snore.”

“True.” He smiled.

And she smiled back.

Price was smiling at Phil too. She walked up to the door and placed her hand on the glass. Her hand went through but her finger tips couldn’t reach him.

Melinda kept her face straight. If she’d show fear now, he wouldn’t leave. He would try to make it better.

“You don’t have to be scared of this.” Andrew said. “Of any of this.”

She was seeing freaking ghosts! And one of them just kept creepily staring at the most important person in her life, so no. She would hold on to her fear until this would be resolved.

“Are you sure?” Phil asked.

She needed him to leave. “Yes.”

“Then sleep well.” He gave her another smile. “See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow.”

When he walked out, Price followed him. But she hadn’t even made it ten feet away from Melinda, when something drew her back into the contamination box.

“Why are you keeping me from him?” Price turned to Melinda. “I won’t hurt him. I could be good for him!”

Yeah right. But good to know that she seemed to actually be able to keep all the ghosts close to her. Melinda went back to the bed and rolled into a ball again. She closed her eyes.

“And she keeps ignoring me!” Price said. “This is pointless.”

On that they’d finally agree! They should just leave. Melinda wouldn’t allow them to hurt anybody.

“Maybe we should do this old school,” she heard Trip mumble. “Like in the book, I mean.”

“Well, she doesn’t give us much choice,” Andrew said. He didn’t sound happy.

She wasn’t happy either, so there!

Then Melinda felt a breeze of cold air on her shoulder. She opened her eyes to see Andrew’s hand touching her and then everything faded.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your comments and kudos and likes and overall support! We’re finally getting to the juicy bits! I hope you enjoyed this. Let me know what you think?


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they break into a kitchen.

Melinda found herself standing on the grass. In front of a huge building. Well, at the side of that huge building. She recognized it immediately. But that couldn’t be. They were hundreds of miles away from OPERATIONS. On top of that, her whole body felt weird. Well, her whole body didn’t feel much like anything. She didn’t feel anything and yet she didn’t feel disconnected. She just felt light. Some of her best years had been spent here. It was night, the moon was slim and the stars bright. The trees had no leaves. And there was no sound. It was just quiet.The ghosts stood in front of her. They all looked perfectly calm and content in their silly suits.

“What did you do to me?” Hearing her voice came as a relief though she hated, hated talking to them! But what else was she to do in her position? Ignoring them was clearly no longer an option. “Where did you take me?” she asked.

Another dimension like Phil had gone to?

“Your past,” Andrew said. In the calmest of voices. Just for that she felt like punching him.

Her past? Did they really want to stick to that Christmas Carol bullshit?

Trip smiled and nodded at something behind her. “Look!”

She heard footsteps. And then she saw.

Phil and herself, dressed in their academy gear, long sturdy pants and warm jackets with the shield logo on the front and back. They both looked so young. Phil’s face was still soft and his hair a little fuller.

“He was so cute,” Price mumbled.

Yes, he really was. Melinda pressed her lips together.

Her younger self went to one of the trees and started climbing it. Melinda already knew what would happen. She had climbed that tree many times for one purpose only.

Babyface Phil sighed. “We really don’t have to -”

Her younger looked down to him and gave him a sly smile before she jumped from the tree to a window on the first floor. Like always, it wasn’t locked and she pressed it open so she could climb inside.

Melinda felt like falling again. Next thing, she stood in the community kitchen of the teachers and trainers at OPERATIONS.

She remembered that day. It was Christmas eve their first year at OPERATIONS and they both had signed up to stay at the base over the holidays for some extra credits. That day they had done some needed repairs on some of the training vehicles and at night, they had broken into the kitchen because it was much nicer than their dorm kitchen.

Her young self leaned against the wall next to the window and waited for Phil to climb in to.

“Was that so hard?” she asked with a smile.

“Know what would’ve been easier?” Phil pulled something out of his jacket. “Using the key agent Reyes gave me.”

Yeah, that had been embarrassing!

“But this was more fun,” her young self said and took off her jacket.

Phil took of his jacket too. They put them on one of the nearby standing chairs.

Reyes was one of her favorite trainers at the academy. She taught knife skills. And though Reyes had forced Melinda to cook on a few occasions – because apparently knives weren’t just only for fighting – Melinda had loved her training sessions.

She went to the fridge and took out milk, while Phil got a pot from one of the cabinets. He put it on the stove and she poured in some milk, enough for two cups of hot chocolate.

“Why did she give you a key?”

Now he was the one slyly grinning. “Because she trusts me not to set the kitchen aflame.”

“It was just a dish towel!”

“Still, I think it’s best if you step away from the oven now.”

She snorted. “Like I’m gonna fight you on this.” She returned the milk to the fridge, while Phil grabbed his jacket. Once again, he pulled something out of it. This time it was a bar of high quality chocolate.

“You can break this into bits.” He threw it and her young self caught it.

“You brought real chocolate?”

“It’s Christmas Eve and we’re stuck here, so we deserve a treat.”

“Not gonna fight that either.” Smiling she got herself a cutting board and a big knife. He returned to the oven to heat up the milk while she chopped the chocolate next to him at the counter.

The chocolate was quickly chopped so all she could do was wait for the milk to heat through. She just sneaked a few tiny bits of chocolate.

“Stop eating it!” Phil said.

“It’s really good chocolate.” Another piece made it into her mouth.

“Stop it!” He tried to sound stern and failed. “Is your family sad that you won’t come over for Christmas this year?” he asked. Now he tried to sound casual and failed.

She turned to the upper cabinet to her left and took out two mugs. “My father is, but my mother knows how this job is.”

“Is everything ok?”

“Yes, of course.” She put the mugs next to the oven.

“It’s just … I know you volunteered for the Christmas shift,” he said quietly.

“Everything is fine. I’m just ambitious.” her young self shrugged. “That’s one thing my mother appreciates about me.”

He looked at her. “May …”

“Don’t make that face.”

“What face?”

“The I must worry about May face.”

“It’s just that your mother scares me and if you need me to hide you from her, I will.”

She smiled. He was so sweet! He always had been so sweet. “I can handle her just fine.”

“You know that I’m here if you ever want to talk, right?” He tilted his head.

“I know.” She could always count on him to have her back. That was something else that hadn’t changed. “Thank you.”

Melinda watched her younger self with him. They both stood close to each other, their upper bodies facing each other. She remembered how it had felt that night to just be with him in that kitchen. Her mouth had tasted like chocolate and the grey SHIELD standard sweater he wore made his eyes appear green. She had longed to kiss him that night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR WONDERFUL SUPPORT! This scene turned out much longer than anticipated, but i hope you enjoy it! please let me know what you think?!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Melinda opens the trunk of a car.

It wasn’t the first time that she had wanted to kiss him, but probably the first time there had been just this moment for her. Usually they were surrounded by people, either in class or training or in the library or study group. And the time they did spent alone, they usually stood further apart, or they jogged or they shot at stuff.

But now, they stood in a quiet kitchen and they were alone and it was Christmas.

Melinda remembered how close she had come to just do it. How she had looked at his lips and wondered how they would feel against hers. Kissing him would’ve been easy.

Instead her young self took another piece of chocolate and put it in her mouth.

Babyface Phil gasped. “I saw that!”

They both smiled at each other and then everything stood still.

“You wanted to kiss him.” Andrew said.

Of course she had wanted to kiss him!

“Why did you never tell him that you stayed because of him?” he asked.

Melinda pressed her lips together and pulled her shoulders up. That first year of OPERATIONS Phil had told her that he had no real family left. She knew he signed up for the holiday credits because he had no one to celebrate them with. She didn’t want him to be alone. And besides, she always felt more at home with him than with her parents anyway. Even back then.

How could she tell him she signed up to be with him without him mistaking her actions for pity? Or worse, seeing her actions for what they were …

“You deserve to be happy, Melinda,” Andrew mumbled. “You both do.”

When he took her hand in his, surroundings changed again, but the weather didn’t. They stood on a parking lot, filled with fancy cars. Outside she saw lots of sky scrapers. Some snow flakes flew through the openings in the walls and melted as soon as they touched the ground.

A younger version of herself walks past them. She was wearing slick leather pants, black booties and a black winter coat topped with a grey scarf draped around her shoulders. Her hair was knotted in a bun on top of her head. Elegant red lip stick completed the look.

Melinda remembered that undercover mission!

Her young self walked up to a fancy looking Mercedes, she pulled some tools out of her coat pocket and picked the lock of the trunk before she opened it.

And out came a young Phil Coulson. “Finally!” he mumbled as he stretched himself, his hands reached over his head, leaning backwards. He wore a tailored suit and a woolen black coat.

He glared at her. “You don’t have to look so pleased.”

“I’m just happy I could get you out this early.”

“It’s been two hours!”

“So I’m three hours early.”

Phil gasped. “You can’t still be mad about the bay! It’s been three months!”

“That trunk looks very roomy,” her young self said and nodded at the car.

“It’s super uncomfortable!”

“I’m not mad anymore.” She had gotten to him as soon as possible, but still it had felt good to know him to be in a tight spot.

Phil rolled his head to stretch his neck and something cracked. He hissed.

Her young self touched his arm. “Are you okay?”

“You left me in a trunk for two hours!”

“Know what you need?” She tilted her head. “A bath to relax your muscles.”

“Funny.” He leaned his head to the left side and hissed again.

Her younger self sighed. “Stop moving your neck like that or you will pull something. Your muscles are all cold.”

“I’m all cold!”

“A hot bath would fix that too.”

He smiled at her young self. “Is that so?”

That smile of his always made her want to kiss him. The way he had looked at her lips had sent a shiver down her spine, she remembered that.

* * *

[Just in case you forgot about the bay, here's a gifset to refresh your memory. ;)](http://suallenparker.tumblr.com/post/154214191398/theladybelle-agents-of-shield-s2-meme-three)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOTS OF LOVE TO ALL OF YOU! Thank you so much for all your amazing support! I hope you enjoyed today’s scene, I had fun writing her little revenge! Please let me know what you think!? I love to hear from you!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they exchange gifts

What her young self didn’t notice what that Phil stared at her lips just as well. But she saw it.

Maybe she should’ve gone for it back then. They both were still so innocent.

Maybe they could’ve worked. Or maybe she would’ve missed out on her best friend.

She watched her young self take a step away from Phil. “Let’s get you out of the cold,” she said.

Time stopped.

Price kept looking at the young Phil. “I think we could’ve been good,” she said. “I think we could’ve been great.”

“You didn’t kiss him. Again.” Andrew sighed next to Melinda.

She snorted. “It’s called not sexually harassing your coworker.”

“Do you really believe he’d seen it like that?” Trip asked.

“He didn’t kiss me either.” But he had looked at her lips. Then again, sometimes a gaze just wanders, right? It didn’t mean anything. It didn’t prove anything. “He never tried to – He gave me no hope that he might feel something other for me than friendship.”

Andrew squinted at her. “Now you’re just in denial. You know him better than that.”

“Love is no guarantee for a lasting relationship.”

“But it’s a great base.” Andrew touched her shoulder and they fell again.

Next, they were in a tiny little office with two desks and no windows. Their old office back at the old SHIELD base. It wasn’t really their office. It was an office field agents could use to catch up on paper work.

The desks stood across from each other. The walls were covered with filing cabinets and a sad little lamp hung from the ceiling. Most of the light came from to office lamps on the desks.

Her young self sat at one desk, a pen in her right hand and her head propped up on her elbow as she filled out a form. She wore a pant suit with a jacket that had massive shoulder pads and a white blouse underneath it.

A young Phil Coulson stood up from his desk and as he did, he pulled a little gift wrapped in simple red paper, out from under it. His jacket rested over his chair, the arms of his shirt were rolled up. The look was completed by a red tie with Santa heads on it. He walked around the desk to Melinda’s side and put the gift right in front of her.

“Here.”

Her young self turned half way to look at him. “What is this?”

“What does it look like?” He smirked at her.

Her young self gasped. She stood up and walked to one of the filing cabinets. “But we said we wouldn’t get,” she said and pulled open a drawer, “each other anything.” In the drawer lay a little green envelope, wrapped with a golden bow.

He laughed. “You shouldn’t have.”

Oh yes, she should’ve! Melinda remembered that particular gift. It was their seventh year as fully fleshed agents and their tenth Christmas together.  She had searched for the perfect gift to get him for almost two months until she got a hold of it.

Her young self took the envelope out of the drawer and offered it to him. Since the office was tiny, all the had to do was reach out her arm half way.

Melinda remembered that she had liked working there just because whenever they were in there, she always would get close enough to him to smell his after shave. Phil always smelled good.

“Open it!” her young self said.

He smiled at her. Their fingers brushed against each other when he took the envelope. He took his sweet time carefully loosening the bow. She rolled her eyes when he rolled up the ribbon and put it in his pocket. Then he opened the envelope and his eyes lid up. “Thank you!” he said.

That look on his face was still priceless. There was just that childlike joy in his eyes. And all that because of two vintage Captain America collection cards.

With his new vintage Captain America collection cards pressed to his chest, he reached over and grabbed her gift from the desk to offer it to her once more. “Open yours!”

Her young self ripped the paper off quickly. “Ostfriesentee?” she asked. It was a German blend of tea, dark, a bit malty and overall delicious. That year she had tasted it for the first time while they had been on a mission in Germany. She had brought a few packets of it back with her, but those where long gone by Christmas. “How did you get it?”

“I know a guy who knows a guy who had a mission in Germany.”

They stood so close to each other. And they looked at each other. Melinda knew herself well enough to recognize that she had wanted to kiss him.

But she didn’t.

“Thank you.” Her young self smiled at him.

“You’re welcome.” Then he raised a brow. “Now get out of here. Second part of my gift is that I’ll finish the paper work on my own.”

“Not gonna argue with that!”

“Give Andrew my best.”

Right. This was also the year she had married Andrew. Melinda pressed her lips together.

Her young self smiled. “Will do.”

Time froze.

“You wanted to kiss him then,” Andrew said.

Melinda turned to him. “That’s not fair.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This time it’s early! I’ll have a meeting this evening so I don’t have time to write then … I hope you enjoy this! Thank you for all your support and please keep those comments coming! They give me life. :D


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Melinda ends up in a hotel.

“I never cheated on you.” Melinda said.

Her young self and a young Phil were still smiling at each other, frozen in this moment of her past.

“I know.” Andrew’s voice was soft.

Melinda swallowed hard. “I loved you.”

“I know.”

He touched her arm again and she felt warm.

Their first Christmas together they had spent the whole day in bed, watching old movies and eating junk food and just talking.

They spent Christmases with both their families in crowded living rooms filled with laughter and the smell of home cooked food. They took walks in the snow and had snow fights, they baked cookies together and later threw the cookies in the trash after burning them.

She hadn’t missed anything or anybody when she had been with Andrew.

They now stood in their old living room. It was just them. No Trip, no Price, no past versions of themselves. Just them and quiet and peace and warmth.

Andrew’s Santa suit was gone, instead he wore black jeans and a soft grey sweater.

“I loved out time together,” he said. “We were happy for most of it, weren’t we?”

“Yes.” Not all the time but overall, yes. She had been very happy with him. Both times. Until it fell apart.

“We’re not here to make you feel guilty or to add to your regrets.” Andrew sighed. “I want you to be happy.”

“I am.”

“You’re not as devastated as you were before, but you’re not happy.”

She opened her mouth but he shook his head. “You’re not,” he repeated, “But you could be.”

He reached out and squeezed her hand. She blinked. When she opened her eyes again, they stood in a hotel room, Trip and Price were back by Andrew’s side and he was wearing the Santa suit again.

The room had fresh white walls, decorated by a series of photographs of trees in black and white. The bed was kingsize with white bedding and fluffy pillows. There was a TV, a mini fridge and a little nightstand. Melinda’s go-bag rested on top of a wooden chair next to a small build in closet.

A younger version of herself sat on the bed with her feet resting on the floor. She wore black boots, black jeans and her black leather jacket. Her left hand clenched around the edge of the bed and crinkled the fabric of the cover.

She held her cell in her right hand.

Melinda’s stomach tightened. That was the day she had left Andrew. After Bahrain she just hadn’t been able to recover enough to be worthy of being with him.

That morning before she left he had tried so hard to be positive. He had talked about picking out a Christmas tree together, about visiting his parents and just …

She pressed her lips together.

She had never been that version of normal he had wished for her to be, but before Bahrain they both could live with that comfortably. But afterwards … She just couldn’t give him what he deserved anymore. So that day she walked out. Because he deserved better and because disappointing him again and again every day just became to hard to bear.

She rented this hotel room and for the first thirty minutes she had just sat there, on the bed like they saw her now, with her cell in her hand and her fingers ready to dial.

“You should’ve called him,” Andrew said.

She had wanted to call him badly. Just to hear his voice. By then she hadn’t spoken to Phil for more than two months. Not that he hadn’t tried to reach her, but she hadn’t felt strong enough to face him.

“That wouldn’t have been fair to him,” she said. She was so broken back then.

“What has being fair to do with this?” Trip asked and raised a brow.

“She thinks she’s a burden to others,” Andrew said.

Trip snorted. “That’s bullshit.” The mere thought seemed ridiculous to him. “Being your friend is not a burden,” he added.

God, she really missed that man. She pressed her lips together.

Andrew touched her arm once more and again, she fell.

This time when she opened her eyes again, they stood in the middle of the road outside of their old house. The sun was sinking, a light dusting of snow lay on everything.

A younger version of Phil rang their doorbell. He wore a black winter coat and a grey woolen beanie with a pompom on his head and over his ears. In his right hand he carried a little green gift bag.

A few moments later, Andrew opened the door. “Phil?”

“Hey! I just stopped by before work to -”

“She’s not here,” Andrew interrupted. He pressed is lips together. His whole body was tense.

“Excuse me?”

“She left two weeks ago. I thought she told you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of hugs to all of you and thank you for all your continued support! I hope you survived this chapter … I’d love to hear your thoughts! :D


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Phil hums.

“No, she must’ve forgotten.” Phil said. Melinda couldn’t see his face but she could hear the tension in his voice. “Thanks for telling me,” he added, “I’m sorry, Andrew.”

“Yeah, me too.” He pulled up his shoulders. “I have a client, so …”

“Of course! I should be going, too.” Phil took a step back.

And time froze.

“You didn’t answer his phone calls for months after that,” Santa Andrew said next to her.

Trip raised a brow. “Not cool!”

Price kept her gaze fixed on Phil’s back. “He deserved better.”

“I was …” How should she explain? For the first few weeks all she could manage was to go to work, act like a person, go back to the hotel, roll up into a ball and repeat. He was busy working missions. “He didn’t need to be burdened with that.”

“You shut him out.” Andrew looked at her. “You were so mad at me when I did that to you when I turned to Lash.”

She swallowed. “That was different.”

“Yes, because I turned into an actual monster!”

She squinted at him. “Exactly! I could’ve helped you!”

“Why is it easy for you to help others but so hard to accept any help?” He sighed. “I’m not trying to make you feel guilty. I’m trying to tell you that all the guilt and shame you have, is unnecessary.” He touched her arm again and they fell.

And then they flew. They literally floated in the air next to the old bus.

A slightly younger Melinda flew the plane. She had her aviators on. The sky was clear high up where they were, but beneath them where only clouds. The kind of clouds that promised snow.

“Look” Andrew said.

The small door behind the pilot seat opened and Phil entered. He wore a dark grey suit, his blue tie was loosed up. Dark rings circled his eyes but he was smiling.

“I think I never saw Fitzsimmons this excited!” he said while he sat down on the small seat behind her younger self.

Melinda was surprised how good she could understand what he was saying when her being outside of the plane. Then again, the fact that she was actually flying next to the plane, accompanied by three ghosts on Santa suits, made it pretty obvious that everything was possible right now.

Her younger self flicked a button on the plane. That button just regulated the air flow in the cockpit. But it was something she liked to do when she pretended to be busy being a pilot.

“Don’t worry, I told them not to blow up the plane,” Phil added.

Her younger self kept her eyes up front.

“They’ll wait with any experiments until we’re landed.”

She flicked the button back up.

“Want me to sing some Christmas carols?”

Finally she turned to raise a brow at him.

Phil folded his hands in his lap. “Trip just whistled Rudolf the red nosed reindeer and now it’s stuck in my head.”

She sighed heavily and turned back around.

Phil started humming.

Since he couldn’t see her face, her younger self allowed herself a smile.

“He’s really good for you,” Andrew said and reached for her hand.

Next they stood in Phil’s office, the one he had while he had been director of SHIELD.

He sat bat his desk, his head propped up on his elbow. He wore a black pant suit, the jacket rested over the back of his chair and the sleeves of his white shirt were rolled up. A red tie rested on the desk in a little pile.

He looked exhausted again, but this time he wasn’t smiling.

This was the Christmas after he had lost Price.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your support! I love reading all your comments! Thank you so much! Please keep them coming, they help so much to keep me motivated! I worry a bit about the next chapters. So far I always had the dialogue all written up a few chapters in advance but for everything from now on, I only have that plotline sentence as a reminder of what I should write. Oh dear! And on top of things, everything will get angister soon … Anyway. Thank you!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Melinda wakes up.

They had hugged after his return from that hell planet but since then he kept his distance. He worked too hard, he slept too little. There was something very familiar that flared up in his eyes from time to time. There was a new tension around his mouth that she recognized. Guilt and shame displayed their signs all over his face.

It wasn’t the same guilt or shame she had seen on him after Price had been shot, no this was worse. This was self loathing.

Melinda hated seeing him like this again.

The door opened and her younger self walked in, in her usual shield attire. Same clothes she wore, too. She carried two mugs with something steaming in it over to the desk.

He looked up. “May …” His voice was raspy.

“Here.” Her younger self offered him one of the mugs.

Phil looked at it and gave her a tired smile. “You put marshmallows in it!”

She knew he loved marshmallows in his hot chocolate. “It’s Christmas after all,” her younger self said and smiled too.

Phil took the mug from her. “Thank you.”

“You look terrible.”

He snorted and sipped on his chocolate.

“You should get some rest.”

“I need to stop Hydra.”

“You’re not alone in this.”

His hands clenched around the mug and he pressed his lips together.

She sighed. “What are you working on?”

“Looking for clues in these old files.” Phil looked at her again.

“Sounds fun.” She pulled up a chair for herself and sat down.

He stared at her while she grabbed one of the files from his desk and opened it.

Without looking at him, she mumbled. “I got your back.”

“I know.” Inhaling deeply, he put down the mug and started reading again. “Thank you.”

They froze.

Melinda remembered that Christmas. They went through the files for the whole night without finding anything. He fell asleep at his desk. She would’ve woken him up could she have trusted that he’d go to bed for a few hours. But as things were, she just fetched a blanket and covered him up. Three hours later, he woke up again.

“You didn’t sleep that night either,” Andrew said.

She nibbled at her bottom lip. She hadn’t wanted to leave him.

Andrew looked at her. “You’re good for him, too.”

“Melinda!?” Phil called. “Melinda?”

She blinked and her surroundings fluttered. A bright light blinded her.

“Melinda, wake up!”

“Phil?” She turned her head sideways and suddenly she was back in the contamination box, laying on her side on the bed, her head rested on her left arm.

He stood in front of the box, sideways to the door towards the computer panel that controlled the conditions of the box as well as the lock-mechanism for the door. The finger on his right hand were already on the buttons. He turned to the door and held up his hands against the glass.

“Are you okay?” he asked. “Do you know where you are?”

“Why wouldn’t I …?” She ran her hands over her eyes and sat up. “What’s wrong?”

The ghosts in Santa Suits stood to her right, so that was one thing.

He swallowed hard. “I couldn’t wake you up and usually you have a very light sleep, if you sleep at all and …” He shook his head and dropped his hands to his sides. “I couldn’t wake you up.” His hands clenched into fists but he smiled. “You’re awake now, so that’s good.”

“I’m okay.” she stood up and walked up to him. “I’m fine.”

“Tell him you love him,” Andrew said.

Trip raised a brow at her. “He loves you, you can see that, right?”

Melinda ignored them both though she wanted to believe Trip so badly. Price didn’t say anything. She just positioned herself as close to Phil as she could get.

Melinda ignored that too, instead she focused on Phil.

He looked so worried.

“I’m fine,” she repeated.

“I’m gonna get you out of this,” he said.

“Okay.”

Pressing his lips together, he gave her a short nod, before he turned and grabbed something from a counter to his left.

She tried to see, but his back blocked her view. “What’s that?”

A small tablet in his hands, he turned back to her. “Tea and waffles.”

“You made me breakfast?” God, he was such a wonderful man! And she loved his waffles.

“I would tell him I love him,” Price mumbled. “I wanted to so many times.”

Phil tilted his head. “Someone has to feed you since you can’t.”

Melinda squinted at him.

“Oh no, I don’t mean _this_.” He nodded at the box. “I mean in _general_.”

“I can feed myself!”

“I saw you ruin frozen pizza,” Trip said.

Andrew snorted. And Phil just looked at her.

Melinda sighed. “Give me the waffles.”

They both grinned at each other while he put the tablet into the double doored exchange window of the box.

Moments later, Melinda bit into the waffle and closed her eyes. The waffle was cold, but it just tasted so good! Fluffy, crispy around the edges goodness with just a hint of vanilla.

“So, do you still see them?” Phil asked when she opened her eyes again.

She took another bite of the waffle. Price stood to his left close to the door. Trip stood next to her and stared at the waffle. And Andrew …

She turned to look around.

“Andrew’s gone.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so very much for your continued support! I’d love to hear what you thought about this scene?! :)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they talk about A Christmas Carol.

“He was just there and now …” Melinda swallowed. “He’s gone.” How could that be?

“He’s your past.” Trip’s voice was gentle. “And we’re in the present. He had to leave.”

He didn’t even say goodbye. She pressed her lips together and looked to the floor to keep herself form looking out for him. He just left!

“He’ll be fine,” Trip said. “And you’ll be too.”

Phil placed his hand against the door. “Are you okay?”

She took another bite of that delicious waffle. Of course she wasn’t okay. She was seeing ghosts and they had pulled her into her past and now Andrew was gone again! All she should feel about that was relief. But she missed him.

That was the scariest bit. As messed up as this was, seeing Andrew and Trip again had felt good. Comforting.

She missed them both.

That Price haunted her too was her only proof that this wasn’t a mental breakdown due to grief.

But how should she tell him that?”

“Tell him you love him,” Price said. “Please just tell him. I want that.”

She swallowed. “Trip and Price are still here, so no.”

“Oh man.” Trip sighed. “Looks like we still got things to show you.” He grinned. “Or you just confess your love and we’ll be on our way.”

“Are they still talking to you?” Phil asked.

“Yes.” Lying to him wasn’t an option.

He frowned. “But something else happened too.”

She put the waffle down and took the cup of tea. She sipped on it and just as the waffle, it was perfect. Strong and sweet. She admired how the dark red liquid danced in the white cup.

Both ghosts and Phil looked at her with anticipation.

“Have you ever read Dickens’ A Christmas Carol?” she asked.

Trip sighed. “Not what we were going for, but it’s a start.”

“I watched Scrooged,” Phil said squinted at her. “Why?”

“Trip said they’re somewhat like the spirits in the story.”

“We’re the spirits of love.” Trip put his hands on his hips and gave a poster child nod. “Cheesy but true.” He grinned and she could’ve punched him.

“So you need to get into the Christmas spirit?”

She shrugged.

Trip gasped. “That’s a misleading shrug!”

“Who’s Tiny Tim?” Phil asked. “Is there a Tiny Tim?”

She shook her head. “Not in that sense.”

“Just tell him that we came because of you and him,” Trip begged. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Phil nodded slowly. “But Andrew was the ghost of Christmas Past?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, this was hard to write! The former plan I had for this chapter was entirely different but not much to work with so I had to hassle … I hope you enjoy this! Your comments really help me push through those hard moments when my mind just draws a blank. Thank you so much! And as always, I’d love to hear from you!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Melinda enjoys breakfast.

“Yes,” she said. Andrew had shown her moments of Christmas Past.

Trip shook his head. “He was the spirit of your past love.”

But in consequence that would mean … Melinda frowned.

“What now?” Phil asked.

“Trip thinks I’m in love with him.”

Phil snorted. “He’s a good looking guy.”

“You’re not in love with me,” Trip said, using a tone that adults used to explain simple things to children.

Melinda squinted at him.

Trip pulled up his shoulders. “You just want me to be part of the present. To be alive, still.” He smirked. “You think I died too early.”

“Is it Trip or Price?” Phil asked.

Melinda swallowed. To him it must’ve seemed like she had been blankly staring into the corner of the box. “Trip.”

“Can you tell them hi from me?”

“Hi, sir!” Trip saluted towards Phil.

“They can hear you.” Melinda mumbled.

“Can he see us too?” Fitz asked.

“Fitz!”

He and Simmons entered the lab and walked up to them. Fitz carried a plate and Simmons held a mug with something steaming in it in her right hand. They both wore blue pants and checkered shirts. Simmons wore a light blue sweater over hers.

“Good morning.” Simmons said. She lifted up the mug and nodded at the plate. “We thought you might be –“ Then her eyes wandered to the last bit of waffle in Melinda’s hand. “Oh.”

“Great minds think alike.” Phil grinned. “Good morning.”

“Is that bacon?” Melinda asked. She loved bacon.

“Simmons makes great bacon,” Trip said.

“And eggs and a green tea,” Fitz said.

Simmons nodded. “We thought you’d like something hardy but healthy.”

Phil raised a brow. “Bacon is healthy?”

Simmons gave him her innocent angel smile. “Green tea is.”

“Simmons hasn’t changed a bit,” Trip mumbled. “God, it’s good to see them!”

“So can they see us?” Fitz asked. He and Simmons put the plate and the mug through the window into her box. “The ghosts? Can they really hear us?”

“Tell them they look great,” Trip said. “Tell them I’m happy for them. It’s about time!”

Melinda put down the plate and the tea she got from Phil and retrieved the new food. “Trip says hi,” she said, before she bit into a strip of bacon.

Trip sighed with frustration. “You’re not a very good messenger.”

“I miss him,” Fitz said and looked down.

Phil nodded. “Yeah, me too.”

Simmons went to switch on the main computer of the lab. “He shouldn’t have died,” she mumbled.

“Agreed.” Trip had died way too young.

“See?” Trip gave her a bright smile and straightened up. “That’s why I’m here for you now.”

“Do you think they’re dangerous?” Simmons asked. She sat down in front of the computer. Fitz stayed were he was, next to Phil, his hands awkwardly hidden behind his back.

“No, but I can’t be sure.” And because of that she couldn’t allow herself to be lured into doing what they asked of her. And besides, Phil didn’t love her, not like that. He had enough on his plate without having to deal with her feelings. She didn’t want him to feel pity for her.

“Are you having a party without me?”

“Daisy!” Simmons beamed up. They all looked towards the door, and there she was. Walking up to the containment box in her Quake outfit.

What was this? A damn meeting?

“They care about you,” Trip mumbled. “We all do.”

Daisy lifted up something wrapped in plastic. “I brought you breakfast.”

“Red vines?” Melinda asked.

“Daisy!” Phil shook his head. “That’s not a proper breakfast!”

“It’s not my fault she doesn’t like cereal!”

Trip laughed. “She hasn’t changed either.”

“Also,” Daisy added, “She has proper breakfast right there!” She stopped next to Fitz and looked at Melinda. “How are you?”

“Yes, how are you?” Fitz asked.

“Fine.”

“Now how are you really?” Simmons looked away from her computer and glanced over her shoulder. “Have you been able to sleep?”

According to Phil … “Yes.”

“I could hardly wake her up earlier,” Phil said.

“When was that?” Simmons asked and focused back on the computer.

Phil squinted and tilted his head. “Fifteen, twenty minutes ago, maybe?”

“That’s weird …”

Melinda didn’t like the tone in Simmons’ voice.

Daisy frowned. “What’s wrong?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT! This was lots of fun to write though I hope the conversation between all the characters wasn’t confusing. As always, I’d love to hear what you think!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they talk to ghosts.

They all looked at Simmons. Melinda was already sure what she’d say next.

“The data …” Simmons glanced over her shoulder. “There’s no sleeping pattern in your brain activity for last night.”

And there is was.

“If the data is correct you didn’t sleep at all last night,” Simmons added.

Trip wiggled his brows.“Tell them you revisited romantic moments with Coulson.”

As discreetly as she could, Melinda shot him a short glare. “I’ve been having visions,” She said. “Andrew, he …” How could she explain without giving away too much? She put down all the breakfast things. “I’ve been visiting moments of my past.”

Trip sighed and threw up his hands.

“Like in Scrooged,” Phil said.

Fitz’ eyes widened. “A Christmas Carol?”

Phil nodded. “Andrew was the ghost of Christmas’ Past.”

“He’s gone now,” Melinda said.

That made Simmons look up from the computer again. She turned and rested her  arm on the back of the chair. “Fascinating!”

Daisy tilted her head. “What moments did he show you?”

Leave it to her to get straight to the point.

“He showed me our past Christmases together.”

“Not technically a lie but a rude omission.” Trip shook his head. “Not cool, May. Not cool!”

“Do you think this is about grief?” Daisy asked. “Because you miss them?”

Simmons squinted at her. “Why would she miss Price?”

Daisy shrugged. “Then if it’s not about grief, what do they want?”

Fitz took a breath. “If this really is A Christmas Carol -”

“May isn’t Scrooge!” The irritation in Simmons’ voice warmed Melinda’s heart.

“I didn’t mean it like that!” Fitz tried. He looked at Melinda with big puppy eyes. “I really didn’t!”

“What do you think the ghosts want from you, May?” Simmons asked.

“So we’re really rolling with that ghost thing, ugh?” Daisy again.

“Everything I tested her for came back negative.”

Daisy looked at Melinda. “Ask Trip why he didn’t visit me.”

“Oh, Daisy …” Simmons. Her voice was soft and filled with compassion.

But Melinda felt exactly the same. So did Phil, Melinda could see it on his face.

“No, I don’t …” Daisy swallowed. “I’m fine.”

“Tell her I don’t know.” Trip mumbled. The look on his face was heartbreaking too. “Tell her I would’ve if I could, and if only to say goodbye.”

“Trip says he doesn’t know, that he would’ve visited you if possible to at least say goodbye.”

Daisy looked down.

“Tell her I’m proud of her.”

“He’s proud of you.”

“Now tell Phil you love him.”

Melinda pressed her lips together.

Trip grinned and raised a brow. “Change your ways, May!”

Time to ignore the ghosts again.

Phil ran a hand over Daisy’s shoulder.

“Is Trip really wearing a Santa suit?” Daisy asked. Her smile was forced.

“Yes.”

They grinned at each other.

Trip sighed. “Why doesn’t it surprise me that you want to do absolutely anything the hard way?” He reached out and touched her shoulder.

Everything went dark around her. The last thing she heard was Phil calling her name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christmas Present, here we come! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Daisy sure can manage to break my heart sometimes … Please let me know what you think?


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they light up a tree.

**Chapter 16:  
** _In which_ _a Christmas tree is lid._

  
  


It was dark. Night. Clear skies and stars above them, the moon was a thin slice. Snow covered the ground and the pine trees that stood in front of them.

Fitz and Simmons stood next to Melinda. Both wore heavy coats over boots and pajama pants. They held hands, looked at the trees.

“Just a moment,” Fitz mumbled. “The program has to warm up.”

Melinda turned to Trip. “When are we?”

“Look at you, asking the smart questions.” He grinned and looked like he wanted to pet her head. “You’re getting the hang of it!”

She squinted at him.

“We’re two days from now.” Trip swallowed hard. “This is Christmas Eve, agent May.”

Yes, much better. Just because he was a ghost didn’t mean he was allowed to get cheeky. She raised a brow. “Is this a guaranteed moment?”

She would hate to ruin their Christmas. Both of them deserved a break after everything they’ve been through.

Trip nodded. “This will happen.”

Then one of the pine trees lid up with the most beautiful Christmas lights. Bright spots everywhere that mimicked the stars above it.

Simmons gasped when the lights started to move over the tree on their own, creating new ornaments over and over. “It’s beautiful!” Simmons said.

Melinda couldn’t agree more.

Fitz pulled up his shoulders. “I worked on it for a few months now. Took me a while to get it working like I wanted.”

Simmons glanced at him. “You’re getting good at keeping secrets …”

“Jemma …” Fitz looked like a kicked puppy.

“I know.” Simmons squeezed his hand. “I didn’t mean it like that. I know you tried to protect me with AIDA, I was daily tested and.” She shrugged. “I didn’t mean it like that. This is really beautiful.”

“I will never keep something else from you, I promise,” Fitz said. “Except for Christmas presents and other sorts of gifts,” he added. “Or if the law prevents me from telling you.”

“That’s a good promise.” There was a warm smile in Simmons’ voice. “I promise the same.”

She leaned into him and they kissed.

So sweet.

“Merry Christmas, Jemma.”

“Merry Christmas, Leo.”

“I want something like this,” Price mumbled. Then she squinted at Trip. “But why are we spying on those kids?”

“They’re making it work,” Trip said. He looked very pleased with himself when he turned to Melinda, “You and Coulson can make it work too.”

Simmons wrapped her arms around Fitz and they deepened their kiss. Fitz ran his hands over Simmons’ back and down and down -

“Okay, enough of that!” Trip said. He touched Melinda’s arm and the scenery around them changed.

Thank God!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MORE NOTES: Thank you so very much for all your support! That means so much to me! I know this scene is a bit different, but i hope you enjoyed it! I for sure enjoyed making Melinda a bit uncomfortable. ;D Let me know what you think?!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which it's the season of forgiveness.

Next, Daisy punched and kicked a sandbag like her life depended on defeating it.

Melinda wanted to go over and stop her and tell her that things didn’t have to be that hard. That all this self hate was a waste. But of course she couldn’t, because this wasn’t real and she and the two ghosts in Santa-suits weren’t really here.

They were in a small training room, the one down at the basement at the SHIELD base, Melinda recognized it immediately. That particular sandbag had taken quite a few beatings from her too.

“This is what’ll happen tomorrow,” Trip said as Phil entered the room.

“Take a break, agent Johnson,” Phil said.

“But!“ Daisy tried and threw another punch just to stop in the midst of her movement. Her arms dropped to her sides. She turned to him, her eyes widened. “What?”

Phil held up an Agent of SHIELD ID card. “Merry Christmas!”

Maze finally caved! Melinda smiled. That was wonderful news! Daisy was part of their team and it was about time it got official again!

But Daisy hid her hands behind her back and looked down.

“What now?” Phil asked.

Melinda already knew the answer to that.

“I don’t think I deserve this,” Daisy mumbled. She was too hard on herself!

“Of course you deserve this!” Phil and Melinda said in union.

Trip grinned at Melinda.

Phil sighed. “You mean Hydra. Ward.”

Daisy looked at him. “I did some really messed up stuff and …”

Phil shook his head. “I killed Ward. On that planet, I killed him. I didn’t have to, but I did.”

Daisy and Melinda started at him. Melinda had known that bit. He had told her months after he had returned from that hell hole. The pain in his voice back then broke her heart. Now it had the same affect.

“I don’t even recognize the man that did that,” Phil added. “I don’t want to be someone who just …” He shrugged and pressed his lips together. “I took a life because I wanted to. Not to protect others or in self defense, I just wanted him dead. And I wasn’t possessed by Hive.”

“Phil …” Melinda mumbled. She wished she could hug him.

“If I deserve another shot, you sure do,” he said.

Daisy took a deep breath.

He smiled at her and shrugged again. “There are things you can’t take back or make right, Daisy.” He offered her the card. “But you can make sure that history doesn’t repeat itself.”

She took it and they smiled at each other. They all smiled.

“We got work to do,” Phil said and grinned.

Daisy’s eyes widened. “Now?”

“After Christmas.” Phil tilted his head. “Unless there’s an emergency.”

“Of course, Sir.”

“That means there’s enough time for you to read up on the new SHIELD guide lines.”

“Merry Christmas to me!” Daisy sighed.

“Merry Christmas to us all.”

Time froze and Trip raised a brow as he smiled a self-indulgent smile Melinda hated.

“Daisy and I are not the same,” Melinda said.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know that’s not how it played out in 4x08 but i needed this scene and Melinda needed it too, so here we are! I hope you enjoyed it. Let me know what you think?!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they visit Christmas Morning.

Trip touched her arm and they were in the containment box again. “This is right now.

She saw herself laying on the ground, seemingly unconscious.

“You kinda dropped when we started this,” Trip said. “Sorry bout that.”

“Melinda?” Phil punched in the open-code and the door to the containment box opened. Phil and Daisy rushed to her side. She lifted up her head while he checked her throat for a pulse.

“She’s alive,” he mumbled.

Daisy and he took a deep breath. “She’s alive!”

Simmons and Fitz pushed a medical card up next to her. “There’s nothing on the scans,” Simmons said, “I don’t know what’s happening …”

Time froze with all of them standing or kneeling around her body.

“Look at them,” Trip said, “you and Daisy may not be the same but you both have a lot of people caring about you.”

The worried looks all around made Melinda’s stomach clench. Of course she knew they cared. Of course she knew Phil cared about her. This was so unnecessary.

“Why are you doing this?” she asked.

Price glared at her. “We’re not doing anything!”

“You wanted to stop wasting time.” Trip shrugged. “We’re here because you called us.”

“I didn’t call you!”

“Then why didn’t you kiss Coulson yesterday?”

Because opening a bottle of Haig wasn’t the same as kissing your favorite person in the world.

Trip sighed and took her by the hand. “Next stop, Christmas Morning,” he said before things changed around them and they were back in the training room. A version of herself stood on the mats in the middle of the room and went through her daily morning Tai Chi routine. Looked like she was almost at the end of it.

“So I’ll survive this,” Melinda mumbled.

Trip looked hurt. “Of course you’ll survive this!”

Price just rolled her eyes.

The door opened and Phil came in, wearing a black suit and a dark red shirt. No tie, this time. He leaned against the wall next to the door and watched her finish up her routine.

“I hoped I’d find you here,” he said.

“If you wanted to join me, you’re too late.” Her other self grabbed a bottle of water and took a good sip.

Phil tilted his head. “You know Tai Chi makes me angry.”

That was true. Both her future self and she smiled. Whenever Phil had tried it, the slow motions got him groaning in frustration and it usually ended with him going on a run.

“Checking up on me?” her other self asked.

Phil pulled up his shoulders.

She took another sip. “I’m fine.”

“Have you eaten yet?”

“I just finished my routine.”

“That’s a no.” Phil tilted his head. “Care for a Christmas breakfast?”

“Who else will be there?”

This early in the day Melinda usually preferred to avoid people. Especially on special days like Christmas where everybody else seemed to have the strange urge to speak to her in cheerful tones.

“Just us.” He grinned. “I reserved to kitchen next door under Simmons’ name so everyone left on the base thinks that there’s some kind of weird stinky experiment going on.”

Melinda and her other self squinted at him. “Why would anybody believe that?”

He took a step in her direction so they were just an arm length apart. “I might have spread the rumor that Simmons is working on an immune enhancing super cheese.”

“And people believed you?”

“Sometimes it’s useful to work in a field were the impossible happens daily.” His grin widened. “So how do you feel about pancakes?”

Her other self smiled. “Sounds fantastic.”

He glanced at her lips. Not for long, but Melinda noticed. That moment her other self was probably thinking about cradling his face and just kissing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your support! The story decided to change on me again last minute and I’m glad I could write anything today. So yeah … a bit nervous about this one! I hope you still enjoy!


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they observe another missed chance.

“Can I take a shower first?” her other self said and tilted her head.

The moment was gone. Time froze.

Melinda felt regret and relief at the same time, like always when she found herself in such a situation with him. Regret because kissing him would probably feel amazing and relief because she hadn’t ruined what they had.

“If you don’t change your ways this will be the first of five,” Trip said.

“Five what?”

“Five missed opportunities to kiss him.” Trip held up his hand and held up two fingers. “One is just a minute away because he will tease you that you only want to get out of helping in the kitchen and you’ll say that it’ll be for his safety too to keep you from cooking and then you’ll smile again.” He put up a third finger. “Then he’ll hand you a plate with pancakes and you want to kiss him.” Another finger. “You’ll clean up the table and lean in to get the plate in front of him just while he turns his head to look at you.” He held up the whole hand. “That’s five.”

“That means he will choose to not kiss me five times too.” She raised a brow. “Doesn’t that tell you something?”

Price snorted. “That’s your defense for dragging your feet?” The ghosts stood to both sides of her, so she had to focus on one or the other. Until now it had been fortunately easy to blank out Price.

Seemed like those times where over.

Melinda turned around to her and squinted. “I’m not -”

“You play everything so close to your vest, how should he know what you want from him?” Price asked. “And you _know_ he’d never make a move unless he’s convinced he isn’t imposing.”

True. Melinda pressed her lips together. But how should she know what he wanted? He just lost his girlfriend. Before that it was Audrey and before that … Phil was nice to everyone, it was just his way. There was nothing special about her.

“We’re good together now,” she said. “We’re friends again and he finally trusts me again.” That meant so much to her! How could she risk it?”

“You know what all the moments where he got mad at you have in common?” Price asked. “He thought you’d leave him.”

“You don’t know that.” How could she know any of that?

Price sighed. “You left after Bahrain and then he thought he helped you return. First time he got mad when he feared you’d want to return to that desk job. Then he got mad because he learned your motives weren’t what he thought they’d be.”

What was she supposed to say to that? His dead girlfriend spoke like she knew every detail about her relationship. What the hell? Because clearly she was in hell and haunted.

“He only gets mad at you when he thinks he’s losing you again,” Price added.

“He always tells me to go.”

“He thinks you’d find happiness elsewhere.” Price raised a brow. “Sound familiar?”

Yes. Melinda swallowed hard and looked away. Her stomach dropped.

“Where’s Trip?” she mumbled. She didn’t really want an answer to that. She already knew what had happened. The present became the past. He was nowhere to be seen, the spot to her right was empty.

Why did nobody say goodbye?!

“It’s my turn now,” Price said.

Darkness swallowed them up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT! Things will be a bit intense from now on but I promise the happy end is just five scenes away! let me know what you think? I LOVE to read from you!


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Phil carries groceries.

She had no idea how much time had passed when the darkness spit them out again. Could’ve been weeks or months. Or just a moment.

Her stomach rebelled and she took a few deep breaths to keep herself from hurling. Oh god, this was bad! Her whole skin tingled like it was on fire.

“You shouldn’t be here.” Price mumbled next to her. Without looking, Melinda knew that Christmas Santa number three had her arms crossed.

“You should just have faith and stop being such a damn coward,” Price added, “but here we are!”

Melinda took another deep breath. Her body felt more and more like normal. She looked around and it seemed like they were in a parking lot of a Walget, one of those annoying and always filled with people department store.

The place was busy. People in coats and hats pushed shopping cards over the lot to their cars or into the grocery shop itself. Christmas wreaths with red ornaments and gold ribbons decorated the shopping windows.

She and Price stood between two parked cars in the middle of the lot.

The license plates on the cars told her that they were in Portland.

That left one question. “When are we?”

“Two years into your future,” Price said. “Because you are so keen to see him happy with someone.”

Phil pushed a cart towards them. He wore a black coat and a grey scarf. His hairline looked thinner than she remembered. But he looked great. No dark circles and rosy cheeks. A smile on his face. His cart was packed with three filled grocery bags.

A woman came towards them from the other side. She had her long brown hair in a messy bun and white fuzzy muffs covered her ears. A long grey coat and black boots over a pair of jeans completed her outfit.

The woman gasped and stopped. “Phil?!”

Melinda’s stomach sunk.

Audrey Nathan. Of course it was her.

Melinda wished she could ever look as effortlessly relaxed and elegant as that woman. No wonder Phil loved her.

Phil stopped too. Suddenly he was very pale.

“Is this how they rekindle their relationship?” Melinda asked.

Price shook her head. “Just watch.”

“I can explain,” Phil said and swallowed hard.

“You’re dead.” Audrey took a step towards him. “You died!”

“I wasn’t allowed to tell you. I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone that I …” He pressed his lips together. “That I survived. I’m sorry.”

Audrey just stared at him. She looked so lost.

And Phil must feel so guilty. She could see it on his face.

“I wanted to tell you,” he mumbled, “I’m so sorry.”

She kept staring. That was what shock looked like.

Melinda could relate. When Fury had finally told her that they had succeeded in reviving Phil, she hadn’t been able to hear any of the words that followed. Words like _possible mental decay_ and _insanity_. Words like _might become a threat to himself or others_.

“Are you ok?” Phil asked as he walked around his cart and towards Audrey, his head tilted to the side.

She took a deep breath and shook her head. “You’re alive.”

“Yes.” He stopped in front of her and pulled up his shoulders. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologize for that!” She shook her head again, more fiercely this time. “It’s so good to see you.” And then she threw her arms around him.

Phil smiled and put his arms around her waist. “It’s so good to see you, too.” For a moment they just held each other.

He seemed so relieved. Her heart hurt but this was what she wanted. This was what he deserved. Someone normal. Someone generous and sweet and smart. She knew Audrey had made him happy before.

Eventually Audrey and Phil let go of each other.

“How have you been?” Audrey asked, a soft smile curled up her lips.

“Great,” Phil said, before he frowned. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing!”

“I’m just …” He sighed. “I wished I could’ve told you the truth.”

She raised a brow. “You could now.”

He squinted and nibbled on his bottom lip.

“Classified?” Audrey asked.

“Afraid so.”

She snorted. “I didn’t miss that part.”

“I’m sorry.”

She squinted at him.

Phil held up his hands. “You deserved better, that’s all.”

“We both did.” Her voice was soft and she patted his arm.

They looked at each other again, both smiling. Until she pressed her lips together and dropped her hand to her side.

“I’m married,” she said, like she was asking for forgiveness.

What now? Married?

“I grieved for you, you know?” Audrey shrugged. “But it’s been six years since you …”

“Are you happy?” Phil interrupted.

“Yes.” She swallowed. “Very. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize for that.” He smiled at her again. One of those rare smiles that lid up his whole face. “I’m glad.”

Audrey smiled too. “How about you? Is there someone special?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your support! Was that angsty? I feel like it was but then i also feel that it wasn’t so bad. I hope you survived this! Let me know what you think?!


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they look at a possibility.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr isn't working for me today - some sort of issue so it won't let me post and for the most time it won't even load correctly. I'm sorry, I could only update here!

While they all stared at Phil, eagerly awaiting his answer, he nibbled at his bottom lip.

“Yes,” he said eventually and smiled in thought. “She is …” He stopped himself, but Melinda had already seen that glimpse of utter admiration on his face. “You don’t want to hear about that.”

“You love her that much?” Audrey asked.

“More so, I’m afraid.” He smiled tentatively. “I’m sorry.”

There was no hesitation in Audrey’s smile.  “Lucky her.”

Time froze.

Melinda turned to Price. “So he’ll find someone else?”

“He already found her,” Price said.

“Do I know her?”

“You’re an idiot,” Price uttered, before darkness swallowed them up again.

Melinda’s skin burned and her nausea was even worse than the first time. She took deep steady breaths.

“This better be worth it,” Price mumbled.

Melinda felt the same.

They stood in a large kitchen with two big windows out to a garden that probably looked amazing in the summer. Underneath the windows was a kitchen nook with a wooden bench and comfortable looking pillows in blues and grays.

Phil stood in front of the stove and shoved some sliced tomatoes from a cutting board into a pot. He wore dark jeans and a grey knitted sweater. There was a tension in his shoulders that Melinda didn’t like. Something was definitely bothering him.

A version of herself entered, wearing training attire, black leggings and a loosely fitted black jacket with sneakers. Her hair was up in a pony tail and her face was bare of any make up.

Without a moment of hesitation, she walked up to Phil and wrapped her arms around him from behind.

“Smells delicious,” she said and kissed his shoulder.

He leaned into her ever so slightly and put down the cutting board. “Just ten more minutes and we can eat.”

“Perfect.”

Melinda swallowed hard. Her skin felt better, the nausea was almost gone, but her stomach was in knots. Her heart was racing. “What is this?” she asked.

“A possibility,” Price said. “Hope.” She nodded at the couple. “Look.”

He grabbed a spoon and stirred the pot.

“You ready to talk about it yet?” her other self asked and stepped next to him, running her hands over his shoulders and back as she did so.

He put down the spoon and turned to her. “I ran into Audrey Nathan today.”

“While you went grocery shopping?”

He nodded.

So this was the same day? He had been talking about her?

“How did she take it?” her other self asked.

“She was lovely.” He pulled up his shoulders. “She was very graceful. Me not so much.”

Her other self ran her hand over his back and raised a brow. “Rambled?”

“Just put my foot in my mouth.”

“That’s the man I fell in love with.” She squeezed he shoulder. “I’m sorry. I know you felt terrible for never getting to say goodbye.”

“I felt guilty for being so happy with you.” He shrugged. “At least she’s happily married too.”

“That’s good.”

“It was the only thing that eased my guilty conscience. Because even if Loki hadn’t …” He pressed his lips together. “I just love you so much!”

“I love you too.” She kissed his shoulder again. “Anything I can do?”

He smiled at her. “You’re doing it already.” He leaned down and they kissed. Short, sweet. Just a causal kiss between two people completely comfortable with each other.

Time froze.

Melinda bit her lip hard. Funnily enough, she didn’t feel that. “This isn’t right,” she said.

Price tilted her head.

“Aren’t you supposed to show me my bitter end?”

“Who do you think I am?” Price squinted at her. “Who do you see when you look at me?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today was weird. Fandom is weird. Thank you to all of you who have commented on this story so far! You guys are the best! I hope you enjoyed this tiny fluffy breather before we get to the angst that’s Chapter 22 … Let me know what you think?!?


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which she has to say goodbye.

 

Who she saw? A freaking ghost in a damn Santa costume! Melinda glared at her, but that damn ghost held her gaze.

“Why would you drag Price into this?” Price asked.

This was bizarre! “I’m not the one -”

“What has Price to do with any of this?!” The ghost became blurred, like a photo out of focus. “Look at me and tell me who I am!”

“You’re Rosalind Price!”

“No!” The shape and colors of the ghost mixed with its’ surroundings like some weird photoshop effect. “Look at me!” A voice echoed around her. “Who do you see?”

Melinda’s heart was racing. The shapes and colors grew and stretched. A person formed.

“Look at me, Melinda!”

Oh, that voice! That face! Melinda gasped. “Phil.”

There he was, standing in front of her, wearing the same dark jeans and grey sweater as the Phil who stood in front of the stove, still. He tilted his head and smiled at her. “Ghost of your Christmas’ future.” His voice was soft but there was concern in his eyes.

She wanted to touch him. Her throat closed up.

“He died, remember?” he asked. “He died, too.”

How could she forget that? The day Hill had visited her to tell her was blurred. She couldn’t remember much of what they had said. Just Hill saying “We lost Coulson.” And then Hill had taken her hand and Melinda had sat there. Everything else just faded after that. Everything.

“You came back for him,” Ghost Phil continued. “After Bahrain, you came back to be with him.”

Of course she returned for him. She could be useful to him back then. She could protect him. And quite frankly, she just needed to be close to him.

For the first few weeks she had ordered herself to not stare at him. But it was so hard to resist, because he was there and he was alive and he was Phil.

She swallowed hard.

His smile faded. “And then Hand died,” he said. “And Garrett. And Trip. And Andrew.”

She bit her lip.

“And then you died.”

Oh God.

“You died,” he repeated quietly.

She stared at the ground, her vision blurred and she felt a tear roll down her cheek.

“But you’re not dead,” he added. “You have to say goodbye to those ghosts of yours. You have to.”

He sighed.

His brown house slippers changed to dark brown shoes. His jeans transformed into blue pants.

She raised her gaze and blinked. Phil was gone and Andrew stood in front of her.

“You have to let me go,” Andrew said.

She drew a shaky breath. Oh, God! Her heart felt like bleeding. “I miss you so much,” she said.

He took a step forward and embraced her. “I know,” he whispered. “But loving him doesn’t betray me.”  He kissed the top of her head. “Go, be happy.”

“Goodbye, Andrew.” But she held on to him for just another moment, just another minute. When she let go, he vanished. The air swirled and danced and Trip stood before her, not in a Santa suit but in black pants and black sweater.

“My death wasn’t your fault,” he said.

Melinda blinked and looked at Hand.

The dead agent wore a blue dress suit with a white blouse. The tips of her brown hair were bright pink.

“You sleeping with Ward didn’t kill me.” Hand smiled at her and shook her head. “You didn’t betray me. You didn’t betray any of us.”

Hand vanished like Andrew had before and Melinda felt like a weight had been lifted.

Then another person took shape in the swirling air.

A little girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No kidding, writing this almost killed me! she just breaks my heart! Please tell me I’m not the only one crying here?


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which she wakes up.

The girl she had killed in Bahrain.

Melinda’s heart stopped and all air left her lungs.

She looked so young and innocent. Her hair was lose and she wore the same patterned green blouse and grey jeans she had worn the day she had died. Her features were soft this time, not filled with anger or spite.

“I forgive you,” she said.

Melinda stared at her. How could she say that? What she had done was unforgivable. There should’ve been another way. If she could just try again, if she just get one more chance than she could try and save the girl. She could -

The girl shook her head. “I would’ve used you,” she said. “I’m sorry, I know better now. But I would’ve used you to hurt others. To kill others.” She nibbled on her bottom lip. “You did the best you could. I forgive you.”

Oh God. Melinda pulled in a shaky breath. Tears streamed down her face.

The girl sighed and tilted her head. “I forgive you,” she repeated once more. “Now let me go. Let us go.”

Melinda covered her face with her hands. Her knees were wobbly.

She breathed in.

The tears kept rolling but this was that good kind of cry. The kind of cry that left you exhausted but cleansed.

She breathed out.

“Now wake up,” the girl said.

“Melinda?”

She blinked and looked into a familiar face towering over her. “Phil?” Her voice sounded rough, her face felt dry.

“Hi.” Phil smiled at her from above. Fitz and Simmons stood behind him, Daisy kneeled next to her other side. And no one else was to be seen.

“They’re gone,” Melinda uttered. The ghosts were all gone. She hadn’t felt this free in decades.

“Agent May?”Simmons asked. A medical card stood between her and Fitz. “How do you feel? Do you know where you are?”

“I’m fine. I’m lying on the floor of a containment box.” Melinda lifted her head from the ground.

“Maybe you should -” Simmons bend forward and reached out her hands, as did Phil.

Nonsense! She sat up. “I’m fine.”

Phil rand his hand over her back. “You just dropped to the floor.” he said dryly. But she could see the relief in his face. It was good to see him too. Then he frowned. “Who’s gone?”

This was just like the scene Trip had shown her of the present. Well, not exactly like it. But everybody stood in the exact same place as in that scene. That didn’t seem right. Why wasn’t she on a medical bed? “How long was I out?” Melinda asked.

“Less than a minute, but still.” Fitz said. He still looked worried. “Would you like a glass of water?”

Melinda raised her brows. That couldn’t be! “Less than a minute?!”

Simmons turned and grabbed the green tea. “What happened?” she asked and handed her the tea.

It was still quite hot. Then again, not the strangest thing to happen to her lately. Melinda took a sip.

“Is Trip still here?” Daisy asked.

“The ghosts are gone.”

Simmons took a tablet from the medical cart and held it over Melinda. “The scans say you’re fine. Even your iron levels are up again.”

She snorted. “Bacon does fix everything.”

Phil squinted at her. “Melinda?”

“Daisy was right, this was about grief.” She looked into the tea and ran her thumbs over the edges of the cup. “I had to let some things go and I did.”

“That’s it?” Daisy asked.

She looked up to her. “What more do you want?”

“What did Trip show you?” Daisy asked.

“Why was Price there?” Fitz asked.

“It would be good to know more of what happened to you for scientific reasons.” Simmons nodded. “Just for science, really.”

Such a noisy bunch! She would tell them. But later. Maybe.

“Don’t you and Fitz have a flight to catch?” she asked.

“Not if you need us here.” Simmons was such a sweetheart!

Which was why she deserved the Christmas she had seen in her future. “I’m sure. I’m fine, I promise.”

Daisy grinned. “And we should stop bugging you?”

Simmons looked at Daisy with both eye brows raised. Phil just grinned.

“I’m just …” Melinda sighed. “You need to eat some proper breakfast.” She looked at Fitzsimmons. “You two need to get on your way and we,” she turned to Phil, “need to talk to Mace.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All that is left now is the happy end! Are you as excited as I am? Thank you all so much for your support! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Can you feel the fluff coming? Let me know what you think!?


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which it’s finally Christmas.

He held the door to his office open for her. The office was much smaller than the office he had had before and felt more like the one he had on the bus. Just a desk, some filing shelves, not even a window. It wasn’t much bigger than their first office together. But it felt good. It felt comfortable. The desk was antique and wooden, the desk lamp on it looked like it was straight out of a Captain America comic and the chair was covered with warm brown leather. The miniature of Lola stood next to the lamp.

Phil closed the door behind them. “Are you gonna tell me what else is wrong?” he asked.

Oh crap. She turned around to him. “Nothing is wrong.” Her heart was racing since they left Simmons’ lab. Phil stood only an arms length away from her. She would tell him that she loves him. Ghosts told her it would be fine, so what could possibly go wrong? “I’m just nervous,” she said.

“Because of Mace?”

Either now or she would postpone this indefinitely. “I love you.”

He tilted his head up and stared at her. Then he reached into his jacket. “I’m calling Simmons.”

That was not at all the reaction she had hoped for. What the hell? “Phil?”

He shook his head and took out his cell. “It’s noble that you want to save their holiday but something’s still wrong with you and we will fix it.”

“Phil, I’m fine!” She took a step forward.

He looked at her, his eyes widened. “Then why are you saying goodbye?!”

“I’m not -” And he was already dialing! This wasn’t what she wanted at all! She placed her hand on his arm. “Put the phone down!”

He pressed his lips together and frowned. But he stopped dialing. For now. Unless she could convince him otherwise, she knew that look. That was his protective look. How could she get this so wrong? How could he think she’d only say that if dying or worse?

“I’m not saying goodbye. I’m …” She took a breath. How to explain? “The ghosts were here because of us. They were …” Nope. Telling him everything would take too long and he’d probably drag her back to the lab before she’d reach the middle. “They showed me things from our past, all my missed chances and they showed me a future and I want that future, so …” There. Short version. Perfect. Now back to the point. “I love you.” She hated that her voice was shaking, it made her feel even more vulnerable.

He kept squinting at her, his head lightly held back, his hand still in the air, holding the cell and ready to make a call.

“You don’t feel the same.” The realization stung like ice. She pulled her hand away. “I’m sorry.” She swallowed hard, unable to hold his gaze any longer. “We should call Mace; he needs to take Daisy back as an agent.”

He didn’t say anything. Blood was racing in her ears. So she had ruined it all. Of course she had. She bit her lip.

Then she felt his hand on her arm. Slowly he glided it down until he could take her hand in his. He squeezed her hand and she looked up again.

His expression was open now, his eyes were filled with hope. “You love me?” he asked. His voice was shaky too.

Somehow that brought her calmness. “Yes.”

He lifted her hand. When he pressed his lips to her wrist, her heart skipped a beat. “Phil …”

He wrapped his other hand around hers as well and just held it while they looked into each others eyes. What she saw made her heart beat faster. She saw hope. And devotion. And love. God, hopefully it was love. They both moved slowly towards each other, until she had to break gaze and close her eyes. A sacrifice she made willingly for the pleasure of feeling his lips on hers.

It was a soft and gentle kiss and it was over far too quickly.

He let go of her hand and cradled her face. “I love you too.”

She smiled. Everything felt warm and perfect. She couldn’t see his smile but she felt it against her mouth when he kissed her again.

With a sigh, she wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned into him. He groaned and deepened the kiss. For a while she allowed herself to get lost in the sensation of being so close to him.

Eventually they broke the kiss. Though she longed to kiss him some more, it felt good to just hold him and be held.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked.

“About us?”

He nodded.

“Yes.”

The bright smile on his face made her heart flutter. She tiptoed and kissed him again. How could she resist that man?

“I have to tell you something,” he mumbled against her mouth. “I spoke with Mace this morning and Daisy’s lanyard is being made as we kiss, so to speak.”  

Such a lame thing to say. And it was perfect! Everything was perfect.

“That’s great,” she mumbled back and grinned.

He nibbled at her bottom lip. “So we don’t have to call him.”

“Fantastic!”

He grinned too. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas.

They kissed again and life was good.

Life was great!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT AND BELATED HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL OF YOU! I hope you enjoyed this! Let me know what you think? Anybody up for maybe some add ons to this verse? Any requests?

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciatees feedback, including:
> 
>   * Short Comments
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>   * Questions (especially if you're worried about possible triggers or squicks for you that I haven't tagged yet)
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